video games are the ultimate cock blocker
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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