Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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