is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
