i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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