Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
how drunk are you?
Several
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