Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
