So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Randomize
