I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
