Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
