Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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