He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
