Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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