i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
