Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
