so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
im on a boat
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