I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
