im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
