Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We are all done wearing pants today
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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