i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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