You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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