im six kinds of drunk right now
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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