for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize