Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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