At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
