dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I have fence marks all over my body
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize