Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
There's even glitter on my cock...
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