my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
