Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
