matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
PANTIES FOUND
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