I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
