Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
