Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
