Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
