Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
