I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You've changed since you got that strap on
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
