Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
