If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
