Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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