I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
