Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
