I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
