My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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