Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
