Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
