I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
