WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
