I didn't shave. On purpose
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
