Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
