I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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