We're like a lot better than the average bears
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize