3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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