I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
