Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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