you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
this boner is exhausting
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
