he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
