WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
