here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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