Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
