You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
