don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
