porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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