well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The adults are the big ones right?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
