Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
