Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
