my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
