Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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