he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
