So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
