Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize