Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
