I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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