a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
