Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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