It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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