My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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