i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
