We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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