Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
