all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Found your dick twin last night
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
