I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
