no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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