There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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