i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
