Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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