this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
