nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We just shotgunned beers for America
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I currently don't understand fingers.
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