He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
