I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You took a bar mat shot.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize