Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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