She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
