He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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