haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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