Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
