Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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