i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
