you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize