remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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