It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
