is your mom at the bar?
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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