Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
