First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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