im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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