If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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