I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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