I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
