Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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