dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
