not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
